


He/She/It

by queer_ghost_boy



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: enjoy my angst, longer version of a manuscript, mostly new poetry, very queer and very trans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 02:16:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13284822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queer_ghost_boy/pseuds/queer_ghost_boy
Summary: These poems are from the longer version of a short manuscript that I have been working on for a few years, and submitted to Button Poetry for their poetry contest. Most of the poems are new works, but there are some older ones thrown in there, too.





	He/She/It

i have said goodbye

more times than i can count

to grandparents

aunts and uncles

a good friend that i thought i would never be older than

 

but saying goodbye to myself

my old self

my girl self

is something that i still grieve from time to time

 

and it is such a disconnect that comes with this

because there was no body

nothing to mourn

 

no coffin

though i prefer to be cremated

i would like to grow into a tree

or be crushed down into a record

that only plays one song

over and over again

 

but nobody sent flowers

or so many casseroles that i had to

ask them to stop because i was

seeing tuna in my dreams

and the dying flowers were making me even sadder

goddammit

 

but no

because there was no body

though there almost was

nothing happened

just my falling asleep

and waking up

 

as if the past nine years had never happened

from seven to sixteen

knowing that something was different in me

and how it almost very nearly killed me

hell i still have the scars

and my insides are probably at least

a bit fucked from those damn pills

 

but i still do not know

how to say goodbye to who i was

who i was labeled because

i was a baby born with a vagina

and of course that automatically equals female

doesn’t it?

 

but there is still such a disconnect

between the old name and who i am now

 

because even though i can get rid of

my breasts

my uterus

and Testosterone will put hair on my face

and give me a happy trail

and my voice will deepen

and i will go through a second puberty

where i want to fuck everything

 

there are people that still see me

as a girl

a she

a lesbian

butch

tomboy

dyke

 

but all they really see are my breasts

and what they assume is in my pants

and that is not who i am

that is not who i ever was

and dammit why can’t they just see

that this saying farewell

to my old self

does not mean i stop being

who i am

 

because i am so much more

than my breasts 

and my vagina

and my ability to nurture a human life

inside my own body

 

i am so much more than my body

and my old selves do not determine who i am

today because today i am alive

and i am so much more than my body

 

i am so much more

than how you see me

i am so much more 

 


End file.
